Last night I got to see an old friend from where I grew up. She was a few years older than me in high school so we were never really friends until we worked together at a local gas station/convenience store. But all those 8 hours shifts together with little else to do than chill with each other took their toll and we got to be quite close.
She took a different life path than I did. She has the cutest 2 year old son, got married, lives on a farm with tons of animals, doesn't work outside the home, etc. She is happy, I know she is, but last night she kept saying how "well rounded" I seem and how she wishes she'd done a few more things before she settled down. I am glad that I have gotten the life experiences that I have. There are some pretty cool pictures in my photo albums. But at the same time, I am also a little bit jealous of her life. I am not that ambitious about my career. It's okay and I like some things about it, but it doesn't provide me with a great sense of fulfillment and I do not draw my strength from it. So yeah, it's great that it is going so well and that I just bought a house and that I am somewhat independant and that I'm building equity as everyone keeps saying, but it's not what I really want. Don't get me wrong, I like being able to travel once in awhile and I really am excited about my new house - but I never endevoured to be a career gal and by lack of other options, that is exactly what is happening. Problem is, I don't really know what I do want.
I guess the grass is always greener.
Anyway, I'm off to get my hair cut. I have had some bad haircut experiences in the last year and a half so I have been putting this off. I am trying out a new place and I'm nervous. Here goes.
2 comments:
Shannon, it seems sometimes the things we do stem from our circumstances, and not from any great plan. Am I reasonably happy with where my life is going? Yes. Are there other things I wish I would have done, or could have happen? Or other directions I would like to take? Yes, to both. Am I confident that what I'm doing is what I'm supposed to be doing? Nope.
Not too long ago I was talking with a friend who was having difficulty determining a direction for their life. I commiserated, and was asked "but don't you have everything all figured out?" And, of course, the answer was "no". I got through university, got a job, it's worked out fairly well, and now I'm moving onto a masters because it seems like a reasonable thing to do. I'm not sure I want to be doing this for the rest of my life. I have doubts as to whether I'll be able to meet the responsibilities expected of me. Someday I would like to settle down, but I have a hard time seeing how this will come about.
You're doing all right, you're gaining independence (congratulations again on the house!), but it's easy to wonder what would have happened, "if I had taken the path less traveled by".
P.S. I thought your hair looked quite lovely last night. :)
Thank you Matt - you are too kind. And I know I'm doing all right - more than all right probably. But it still does not shake the feeling that there has to be something more. Probably the bulk of that feeling is that I am not fulling serving the Lord as He has intended me to. Something to work on and pray about I suppose.
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